Bill- Do you know who Shaun Cassidy is?
Me- No.
Bill- Shaun Cassidy's mother was married to David Cassidy's father.
Me- So Shaun is David's brother?
Bill- Yes.
Me- You really took the long way around on that one.
While sitting on the couch playing random 90s music on my phone...
K-Ci & JoJo's All My Life starts playing.
I begin to serenade Bill with the opening...
"Baby baby baby baby baby baby"
Bill looks at me strangely.
Me - This song had 12 year old girls going crazy in the 90s.
Bill- WTF!? GROSS.
Me- I was 12 at the time too!
While watching a cooking show.
Bill - No strawberries with chocolate fondue?
Me - That whole fondue fucking sucks.
Bill - Even her dimples are irritating.
Me - I want to kick her in the teeth.
Bill checking social media...
Bill - I wish my friend would stop using filters. She is so pretty.
Me - In your profile picture, you had a beard. When we first met, no beard.
Bill - I really had the beard though. It wasn't a filter.
Me - A beard is a man's photo filter.
On the phone with Bill while shopping for groceries.
Bill - Please don't buy off brand mayonnaise. Off brand mayonnaise has a funk.
Me - Maybe it's bad.
Bill - I didn't even open it. And I'm not going to eat it. This is why I buy so much of the name brand when it is on sale.
Me - Which we still throw away because it goes bad before we can eat it.
Bill - No. You throw it away because you say it's bad. I'd rather have no mayonnaise than not have you though.
Bill - I was going to say screw it and just pay my ticket. Turns out, you have to take defensive driving for running red lights! So, I got another extension and can't miss it.
Me - What happens if you miss it?
Bill - They suspend your license.
Me - You shouldn't be driving anyways.
Bill - BITCH!
Me - RED LIGHT RUNNER!
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