Conversationswithbill.com

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Shaun Cassidy

Bill- Do you know who Shaun Cassidy is?

Me- No.

Bill- Shaun Cassidy's mother was married to David Cassidy's father.

Me- So Shaun is David's brother?

Bill- Yes.

Me- You really took the long way around on that one.

All My Life

While sitting on the couch playing random 90s music on my phone...

K-Ci & JoJo's All My Life starts playing.

I begin to serenade Bill with the opening...

"Baby baby baby baby baby baby"

Bill looks at me strangely.

Me - This song had 12 year old girls going crazy in the 90s.

Bill- WTF!? GROSS.

Me- I was 12 at the time too!

Strawberries & Fondue

While watching a cooking show.

Bill - No strawberries with chocolate fondue?

Me - That whole fondue fucking sucks.

Bill - Even her dimples are irritating.

Me - I want to kick her in the teeth.

Photo Filters & Beards

Bill checking social media...

Bill - I wish my friend would stop using filters. She is so pretty.

Me - In your profile picture, you had a beard. When we first met, no beard.

Bill - I really had the beard though. It wasn't a filter.

Me - A beard is a man's photo filter.

Mayonnaise & Love

On the phone with Bill while shopping for groceries.

Bill - Please don't buy off brand mayonnaise. Off brand mayonnaise has a funk.

Me - Maybe it's bad.

Bill - I didn't even open it. And I'm not going to eat it. This is why I buy so much of the name brand when it is on sale.

Me - Which we still throw away because it goes bad before we can eat it.

Bill - No. You throw it away because you say it's bad. I'd rather have no mayonnaise than not have you though.

Red Lights & Insults

Bill - I was going to say screw it and just pay my ticket. Turns out, you have to take defensive driving for running red lights! So, I got another extension and can't miss it.

Me - What happens if you miss it?

Bill - They suspend your license.

Me - You shouldn't be driving anyways.

Bill - BITCH!

Me - RED LIGHT RUNNER!

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